ill

I'm ill, and I haven't been ill in a long time. So much for a weekend of happy rest and relaxation.

What do I do when I'm ill? I sleep till noon, eat and read and wash clothes and blow my nose and sleep and then come online. haha. I haven't been ill in a long time, and there's sort of a secret glee in being ill and knowing you have the excuse to not do anything purposeful/work-related.

Reminds me vaguely of that Plath poem we did back in jc, on bright red tulips and her lying in a hospital bed surrounded by white walls and hating the tulips because they seemed to her to be forcing her back into healthy life and away from the peacefulness of just lying in the hospital bed being a body. Well, something like that at least, I hope I'm not misrepresenting her horrendously.

I don't hate my red duvet covet, and I do hate being sick, but at the same time in a unwilling way I appreciate the rest it forces on me. Like my mummy always says, see your body is telling you something! So I'm going back to sleep in awhile.

fight between two wolves

An elder Cherokee American was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

"One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, selfpity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego."

"The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather: "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

walking walking walking

Walking back from christmas choir practice, I decided to do the "add a little more exercise to your daily schedule" thing and walk to the further bus stop outside British Library instead of the one at Euston. And it was so cold! 1degreeC in November is way too cold for me ): But cold aside, it was a pretty pleasant walk, the cold prompts you to think. Here are some things I thought:

I need a hat (to keep my head warm without making it look like an egg.)
I need warmer socks, leggings, thermal underwear too by the look of things.
I need footwear that is more insulating than my trainers (and waterproof).
I need a fan heater (joy of having huge windows dampened by the chill).
I need a carpet or rug for my wooden floor.
I need warm (and hopefully soft and fluffy) bedroom slippers.
I need a scarf, gloves, and a wooly sweater.
Don't I already have a scarf, gloves and a sweater?

All that made me warm enough to think less-shallow thoughts like these:

The cold's making me miserable, but joy burns in my soul still - and such gratitude.

My heart is too fickle and too deceitful, as are the feelings and emotions that send me soaring and falling, and I shall VOW never to trust my heart and co fully.

Humming sad songs can sometimes make me feel incredibly high (example of emotions being crazy unreliable things, which I love as part of me but shall not trust.)

Even though I might have lost my sense of home physically, geographically,earthly, I'll remain secure in the knowledge that I'm walking walking walking towards the warmth that awaits in that eternal home where my King sits upon the throne above all thrones.

***

I love you Lord
And I lift my voice
To worship You
All my soul rejoice
Take joy my King
In what You hear
May it be a sweet sweet sound
In Your ear

***

forever i'll pursue

We sang this hymn in church last Sunday (also Remembrance Sunday). It captures a lot of what I'd like to "shout to the north and the south, the east and the west!" Beautiful hymn. To listen to the one it was adapted from, an English patriotic hymn, - here.

I vow to you, my Saviour, all earthly things above,
Entire and whole and perfect, the service of my love:
The love that asks no questions, the love that stands the test,
That lays upon his altar the dearest and the best;
The love that never falters, the love that knows the price,
The love that stands indebted before your sacrifice.

And there’s a royal country, I’ve heard of long ago,
It speaks of grace and heaven, a place that all may know;
We may not count her armies, we may not see her King;
Her emblem on a hilltop – the Cross of suffering,
And soul by soul and silently, her citizens increase,
Her ways are ways of gentleness and all her paths are peace.

O tell me of the Kingdom, that stands the test of time,
O lead me to its gateway, and speak the word sublime
That tells me I’m forgiven, my name is in the Book,
The Cross of Jesus holds me, as heavenward I look;
Baptised into a living hope, I’ll walk the path that’s new;
The prize of God in Jesus, for ever I’ll pursue

So light the fire within me, and let me fan the flame.
And fill me with the Spirit, that I may bear your Name;
In season and in hardship, to run my given race
O keep me ever-burning until I see your face.
I vow to you, my Saviour, that where your feet have trod,
I’ll serve and always follow my Master and my God.

After Sir Cecil Spring-Rice. Revised and adapted by RT Bewes

off to OCF retreat in a few hours now... :)

the girl in the cafe

I've just watched what's possibly the most moving film I've seen in a long while. Lovely, almost bittersweet comedy, but with such a strong message.

I'm still not sure how the writer Richard Curtis (Love Actually) and director David Yates (Harry Potter (I think)) managed to do it, how they managed to just blend the two, love and politics, together so naturally it didn't seem the least bit contrived or false.

And the pacing, the script, the acting, the acting! Bill Nighy and Kelly Macdonald, really amazing. So, if you haven't already, please go watch The Girl in The Cafe.

Admittedly, a huge part of why I found it charming was the Britishness of it all. The reticence (taken to a new level haha), awkward humour. A great show, really. Read more about it, and BBC's Africa Lives programmes this year here.

Though plenty controversial, loads here of what may be accused of being an oversimplification of things in the sphere of global politics and economics. But really, when it comes to this: poverty, life, death, perhaps alot needs to be simplified simplified simplified and put in the light of human reality, the sort where love and compassion for fellow human being supercedes "bigger picture" concerns.

Easily said huh? When I'm sitting in front of my laptop, in relative warmth and comfort, plain chocolate digestives to soothe nothing nearing hunger, more an irritating craving, with access to the internet and too many creature comforts of life.

"Sometimes it falls upon a generation to be great. You can be that great generation" - Nelson Mandela

london london

Ok, I know I'm really going abit overboard with this whole blogging when I've got tons of work to do thing, but was tired, frustrated and bored, and because it's too cold to go for a walk outside, I had to appease self with wandering around online, AND then when I got this result... really made me smile!! :)

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

Ok all ready to dive back into work now!

boredom and brilliance

Why do I always find myself unable to keep myself from blogging just when I have three pieces of coursework due noon the next day?? Argh. I think if I collected sufficient data (not too hard at all) and ran a regression of blogging (B) on the explanatory variables that come to mind right now, including work-left-undone (W), time-at-home (T), thoughts-to-pen (P), interesting happenings (I), the resulting coefficients would demonstrate terribly high correlations of W and T to B, instead of stronger correlations with P and I. Sigh.

Well, actually time-at-home is not directly correlated to blogging frequency because when I am free and unburdened by the need to work, I spend time doing other things like watching TV and strumming the guitar, washing clothes/dishes and tidying up my room (which perpetually needs tidying), or reading (aha- see, profitable use of time). SO, it's only when I need to do work that I compulsively turn to blogging! Terrible terrible.

Though it could be explained simply and intuitively by the fact that after I have spent a considerable amount of time typing, I become extremely aware that I have wasted this amount of time, and then morph into super-focused mode and become alot more productive without feeling drained at the end of it from spending too much time in un-focused mode. So, because I have subconsciously processed this knowledge, everytime I have to work, my body tells me to blog blog blog so I'll be more efficient later! Ha. WHO am I kidding. :P

***

Two shows I watched recently: one a play the other a film. Well not really recently, more like many weeks back. And I loved both!

Death of a Salesman

I haven't really watched many plays, but even from our slightly restricted-viewing circle seats, it was a brilliant show. Really emotionally and mentally and physically draining though. The acting was so intense I think I kind of forgot I was watching a play in the middle of it. It's like a drama of lives unfolding in a very real very believable space before your eyes, and the humanness of it was so piercing. Human fragility, frailty showing through the self-delusions of grandeur and success and endless secrets. Will remember this performance for quite awhile to come I think.. but, they talk about it better than I do.

"He's a man way out there in the blue, riding on a smile and a shoeshine"


Pride and Prejudice

One of those books I've read and reread (mostly cos it's fun and easy reading I think) And I haven't watched the BBC production with Colin Firth, but I thought the movie was pretty good!
Maybe it was just loving a story you're so familiar with being played out, and being glad that Keira Knightley was so similar to the Elizabeth of my imagination. :)

Read in the Independent yesterday the whole controversy over in the U.S. about the prolonged Liz-Darcy kiss at the end, which I thought was quite hilarious! BUT, if I had to choose a version to watch, I think I'll stick to the British release I saw, simply because I thought the most beautiful scene was of them, standing together at last in the sunset in perfect bliss and even then, lips don't touch! Haha, it's like deliberately not letting the audience fully in on the private intimacy of their love. Which I like. :)

***
Ok that's it, back to work. And I shall take JOY in doing work too!